May 29, 2009

Swine Flu Public Service Announcement

Press Release from a hamlet in the Hamburg health region:
RE- H1N1 Influenza
There has been a lot of media reports regarding the severity of the H1N1 Influenza virus which has made some people are scared like-it's the Bay of Pigs all over again. We would like to reassure you that most of the news is a lot of hogwash. If you do go see the doctor don't be pig-headed about it or ham it up when they are looking at your symptoms. While it is true that some doctors will give out oinkment if you break out in rashers or your skin has a strange pigmentation in most cases nothing can be done - dr's can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear you know and you would just be casting your pearls before swine. In fact they would be happy as a pig in mud if you didn't come in at all.
Our advice is if contracting H1N1 will prevent you from bringing home the bacon try to put some money in your piggy bank so you don't end up in hock. Also try relaxing: throw the pigskin around, take a spin on your Hawg, or if you live in a pig-sty clean it up, eat lots of comfort food (such as piggies in a blanket, pork rinds,back bacon, etc) - just don't pig out or hog all the food. And dont' believe all the emails you read about swine flu - it is probably just spam.
Th-th-that's all folks!